Raising Children

-I believe in letting my kids get dirty and even soil their clothes.
-I let them make messes as they explore their world.
- In a place where water is not so conserved and pricy, I let them splash and play in water almost every summer day. [Even winter days, we would have fun bath times, or sensory sink times!]
-I believe in letting them play in the rain, the sun, and the snow.
-I let them eat with their hands if they so desire.
-I encourage creative play, independent play, group play and so on.
-I encourage playing in the dirt... sometimes even the mud!
-I believe there are a million better options than turning on the TV and I refuse to believe that it is ever "needed" as a babysitter, no matter how many kids we have.
-I find it not just valuable, but nearly essential to include my children in daily tasks such as sweeping, dishes, laundry, picking up & cleaning.
-I know that children understand far more than they can express, and if we just sit down and talk with them it's always 100% better than yelling.
-I am a firm believer in reading to my children everyday, multiple times a day.
-I believe consequences should be associated with the behavior, not just a blanket consequence for everything.
-I do not believe spanking/swatting/slapping should ever be a 1st or 2nd consequence choice.
-I believe in letting kids make choices. As many choices as they want and can make in a day, and that trying to control or force our children is not okay.
-I embrace outside play, and my heart thrills to see them running, exploring, growing and developing.
-I think it is vital to be far more connected to our children, then connected to our phones.
-Its more important to worry about what is being taught in my home, and what my children are learning outside of the home, then what others think of me, my house, the car I drive or what fancy somethin's I have.
-I have found the best toys for children are the ones they discover themselves. Sticks, cardboard boxes, mommies clean clothes, sink full of water, a fort made out of sheets, etc.
-I believe kids need boundaries, and one if the best ways to teach them about boundaries is to have boundaries for yourself.


Does this mean I always allow anything anytime? No. Does this mean there aren't exceptions to the rule? No. Does this mean my parenting is better than yours?  No. Does this mean there is only one right way of doing things? No.

I believe that, as mom's, most of us are doing the best we can, with what we know. Everyone is in a different place, has different children, and a different set of values and needs.

Ultimately, I know it's my responsibility to raise my children in love, and righteousness, truth, and light, which includes teaching them about our Savior Jesus Christ and His gospel.

New Semester #3

January 8^th came rolling around way to fast! As soon as our break started, it was over again. Hannah and Matthew both got going back in school. I have started homeschooling a little bit as well. I work with Thomas in the mornings while Hannah is at school (she legally has to attend), and then when she gets home I read stories for about an hour for quiet time, and then do some schooling with Hannah. Of course there is still plenty of time to play outside and explore this great world we have been given.

 Kids playing with left over pizza dough (above)

Kids making letters and shapes out of edible peanut butter play dough

We made funnel cakes in the shapes of the letters he has learned so far. We were going to get/make donuts for letter D today... but our resources were very limited (being on the small island we are on...) So we improvised!

All 3 of them are in that play tent... eating snacks of course. 

A few days we have had friends come over, and I offered to start tutoring once a week for a boy in Hannah’s class. Though he has surprised me by how much he knows!

It has been a hard adjustment getting back into the swing of the semester. Especially with 3^rd semester being so much harder and time consuming. Matthew is studying more now, then ever before. I am grateful to have the kids to keep me busy, and with a purpose, though at times it can be trying. 

Lonely

Being a mom can be lonely.

Being the wife of a medical student can be lonely.

Being on an island can be lonely.

It is lonely here. So incredibly lonely here.

It’s not that there aren’t people, but how does one make friends again? I had co-workers, I admired some, was friends some, and didn’t know some too well. They invited me out one Friday night, everyone was getting drinks at the bar. I didn’t go. Our family was doing a family slumber party. Plus I don’t drink. The bar isn’t really my scene.

I invited one or two over a couple times… it never panned out. Sometimes a job for pay came up. Sometimes a sick child. Sometimes it was just forgotten. Sometimes you just feel like you are the last option for someones time. I get that. 

Yes I am married. :) My husband is my only friend, it seems sometimes. He works so very hard nearly every day in his studies, from 4am-10pm. I am so proud of him! [Plus, I'd rather have him work  hard now, then have to redo a semester and extend our stay.] Sunday is our best day, because he doesn't study! Yes my children keep me company. I am so grateful for them and don't know how I would get along without them. They are great fun! Also a great responsibility! And playing unicorns is not the same as adult mommy conversations. 

There are people at Hannah’s school, I talk to a few of them, I know even less. I feel like I’m in a different world from them. How do I connect? If we do, how do we make time? Then what do we talk about?? Your student, my child? How do I get past this?

There are neighbors. They are nice. I have come to know many. But do we have anything in common? What would we do if we got together? I don’t like being lectured, and I don’t drink. I don’t understand the Caribbean slang, often times, they don’t understand my American English. I have an accent to you, you have an accent to me. Small talk seems to be the best.

Are there moms my age? Yes. If they don’t have children… what do we do? There's no craft store, no movie theater. There are restaurants! That is nice. Now how do we meet? How do we connect? What makes 2 people friends? Where in this med school budget can I make social dining an option?

Are there moms with kids the age of my children? Yes! Many! At least 22 of them. (Considering that is how many student are in Hannah's K1 class). Perhaps if I knew more….. Honestly I’m not sure who is who here. Let alone who belongs to who. But of the handful I know, all of them work. They work long hours.

I have had a few playdates. Moms that stay home with young kids like me. Perhaps this is not the story for everyone… from my experience… the playdates have been heartbreaking. It usually entails me watching ALL the kids while the other mom eats, or goes to the store, or talks on the phone… and not always telling me this is going to happen. Best case scenario is when we are both in the same room together… watching Netflix while the kids play. I don’t like the TV. Especially when I feel like I am shirking my duty to my children. I leave feeling worse then when I came.

There are spouses/significant others of some of the students here! I knew several! Many have since left. Few remain. I look forward to their activities and dinners! It’s fun to get a crowd together and visit. They get me. We come from the states (or Canada). We have loved ones rigorously studying day in and day out. It is a reprieve to go to these events! This semester I am the only female. I can’t invite one or two spouses out to lunch, or over for a visit. ME the single women in the group, where none of us are single. No, it is best to go when it is an organized event by the group. (there are some professor wives, most have children who have grown, they are included in the group dinners and activities).

Is there church? Yes! But it’s an island, 2 hours, and $600 away (that is just to get there! Not counting the trip back!) There is a Sister here. She is so sweet, and checks on us often. She comes to our home for church services when she can. I don’t know what I would do without that other female presence in my life. 

I am grateful for skype, hangouts, texts, emails, MarcoPolo and the like. I love hearing from and connecting to old friends, and family back in the states. I feel remembered. I am able to share fun times, hard time, good times, and normal times. But there is just a little something lacking. It is not the same as face to face. Really face to face. It is not the same as being in the same room together, and “hanging out” together. We can’t go shopping together, or crafting. We can’t walk to get the kids from school together, or make meals together. Even now, it seems like I’m losing that connection. What do we talk about? How did we spend hours and hours together before? I remember what it was like! How do I make friends like that here? Will we be the same when we come back? Or will our friendship be like the friendships here?

Sometimes surface friendship is easier, less painful, awkward, yet it short lived, and not so enriching. Surface friendships are lonelier.  

Always, deep friendship is what we need. It requires pain, vulnerability, commitment, and time. It fills you up. It is belonging. 

"Fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fittings in, gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to BE who we are. 

"A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong."

Brene Brown

[I have been thinking about this for weeks. I even typed it up weeks ago. Then afraid it was too "heavy" or a "self-pity party" I never shared it. But week after week, day after day, I have felt it. I found myself trying to hurry to post all the other news and updates, to be able to share something relevant. So here it is, take it or leave it. Don't reach out in pity. Don't feel bad. It's okay. This is just our lot, our life for this time. I know that. I have my sweet precious family, and 10 more months to go! It is okay for me to share pain. Pain, sorrow, and grief are not bad. They are part of the human experience.Trying to ignore it, or hide it, is what doesn't help us.]

Parents Visit

After Panama and Christmas my parents were able to visit! Hurray! Matthew had a 3 week break, so we literally had a week for each. Panama. Christmas. Parents. 

While my parents were here we enjoyed the Saba “beach” [manmade cove], snorkeling, playgrounds, museum and hiking!

Grandpa loved watching the power of the waves! Especially at the tidepools. 

On the hike to the tidepools we were able to see an old indigo boiling house

My parents got a taste of what it is like to really conserve water, and reuse water when possible. They discovered that they had to throw toilet paper in the trash, not the toilet… yes, even the “smudgy ones”. They witnessed no boat coming in and the island being out of eggs (we were without eggs for 3 weeks! And pretty much no produce either). They saw the tiny single gas station, and the incredibly short airport runway. They got to witness the power of the ocean while visiting the tidepools, and experiences the whindy skinny hilly roads 

(see this https://youtu.be/kC5jVbkv4og for a good display of our roads. Goes from one end of the island to the other, Nice little "Roller Coaster!").

Here Grandma is helping the grandkids bake

One day we hiked a very difficult trail, that we had never been on. It took us 5 hours, and the kids hiked the whole way! It was an incredible experience and we each took away some insight, spiritual promptings, or lesson from that challenge. I won’t do it again, at least not with the kiddos, but I wouldn’t go back and not do it either. It was a bonding and strengthening experience. 

 Looking into Windward Side from the top... Doesn't look very high, but it was! We had climbed over 1,200 feet. The distance from bottom of the trail to the top of the trail (if you could draw a straight line) was not even a half mile.... but there were lots of switch backs!

 Fairly early on the hike, before the trail got step, muddy and rugged

It had rained very heavily the day before. The entire trail was muddy, slippery and over grown. But going down was far worse then going up. So we just had to keep going. We knew there was an alternate way down, with a maintained/paved trail, and stairs. But we had to get to the top first. 

The kids were amazing troopers! It took us from 9:30am, until 2:30pm and they hiked the whole way! At one point Thomas was hungry, and tired, plus it was past nap time. He started whining, so we played the gratitude game. I know it was a prompting from the Lord, as He lifted our burdens and made them lighter. We were able to accomplish something that seemed insurmountable. I had been praying that the Lord would make it possible for us to get over the mountain, and for the trail to seem shorter. By following the prompting to express gratitude, we were able to have our burdens made light. The hike from there seemed easier, more attainable, and not so worrisome. Pretty soon the kids, on their own, had started singing any sort of words they could think of as we hiked along. Felt a little bit like the Pioneers. 

Mosiah 24:

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

Church Update

When we were in Panama, the Temple Matron and another ward member we met, urged us to write about our experience doing church on this little island by ourselves. So I thought I would share some of them.

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Terms:

General Conference=”semiannual worldwide gatherings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Church members gather to receive guidance and encouragement from Church leaders about gospel living based on the teachings of Jesus Christ”

Mission President=Someone who presides over a “mission” and cares for the efforts and the missionaries within that area.

Mission=A geographical area in which many missionaries come to share about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Area Authority=Someone who presides over the members and church in a geographical area. He also presides over the Mission President.

Sacrament=”the sacrament is an ordinance in which Church members partake of bread and water in remembrance of Jesus Christ’s atoning sacrifice. This ordinance is an essential part of worship and spiritual development. Through this ordinance, Church members renew the covenants they made with God when they were baptized.”  https://www.lds.org/topics/sacrament?lang=eng

Covenants=A sacred promise between God and ourselves. They help us become more Christ-like, and closer to God.

Sabbath= We honor the Sabbath day on Sunday. We consider this is the Lord’s day and it is for rest and worship. We choose not to work, or require others to work on this day.

Branch= A small congregation of members that gather together to worship, serve one another and the Lord, and to increase in gospel learning. 

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Right before the October General Conference I was prompted to contact the new Mission President and ask him if Matthew could administer the sacrament for our family. After General Conference we heard back! The Area President said that in light of the talks at general conference, “I don’t see why not”.

[Prior they had been hesitant because we and one other sister were the only members, there were no priesthood holders beside Matthew, and there was a mis-understanding about wanting to create a group/branch ourselves. 
        We and they, also had not yet realized how prohibitive the cost was to travel to the neighboring island. It averaged about $1200 and required an overnight hotel stay due to boat and flight schedules. Sometimes requiring us to not only to stay over Saturday night, but sometimes even Sunday night, which conflicted with Matthew’s classes/tests Monday.
        We were committed and felt the sacrifice was being asked of us by the Lord, so we made the commitment to go whenever classes, test schedules, and boat/flight fares permitted which ended up being about once every 6-10 weeks to partake of the Sacrament. ]

I don’t think I have stopped praying in gratitude that we have been blessed to partake of the Sacrament at home with our family. It has been life changing. I also strongly feel that we were meant to go through the sacrifice so that we may be more fully committed, more grateful for what we have, and to have literally felt, and seen a difference in our lives. I YEARNED for the sacrament. I was THIRSTY for it. We centered our lives around when we could travel to church.

When we were able to bring it into our home, it brought tears of happiness, joy and a bursting heart. I continue to pray in gratitude that we can renew our covenants (promises) with the Lord, and have that renewing, cleansing ordinance every week. What a difference it has made in our life! It is essential.

So this is what our Sabbath schedule usually looks like

Daddy makes breakfast, we play with the kids/spend time together and get ourselves ready for church.

Clear up the living room and set up chairs (we like chairs set up like benches. It just seems more like church, and less casual then just using our couches. Plus the kids can tell a difference and behave differently).

For church we have opening hymn and prayer, announcements, then a sacrament hymn. Matthew then blesses and passes the Sacrament to us. We follow either by a brief talk or testimonies from each other followed by a closing hymn.

Then we take turns giving the primary lessons and sometimes we do them together. “Primary” usually lasts about 20-30 minutes including songs and prayers.

Then it’s lunch time! We get the kids all tanked up, and then lay them down for quiet time.

This is when the adults attempt to have Sunday school. It is regularly interrupted by sweet… and not-so-sweet, calls and needs from the children. Haha. But it is always good, and we have a great discussion! Even just the 2 of us!

In the afternoon we spend more time together as a family. Sometimes it’s baking. Sometimes it’s playing a card game. Sometimes it being out in the sunshine, whether it’s on a walk or just in our own yard. Daddy doesn’t study this day, and this day only, so we soak up every minute.

Sunday is the best day of the week. Every week. The whole day is just full of happiness, peace, light, joy. I believe that is because it is the Lord’s Sabbath, and when we “honor the sabbath, to keep it holy” we are blessed, and it IS a special day.

Trip to Panama!

Panama! Let me tell you about Panama! Wow! What a fun adventure!

So our whole purpose in going to Panama was to be able to attend the temple. Plus the flights and lodging were cheaper there than it would be to travel anywhere else. I will say the MONKEYS were a HUGE added bonus!

 TERMS:

Temple=A beautiful building, that we consider to be the most sacred place on earth. It is more special then a church building. It is dedicated to the Lord. Anyone is welcome to visit the temple, though there are moral and religious requirements/standards necessary to enter.

Ward=Large congregation of members, that attends church service at the same time, and are from the same geographical region. 

The city of Panama is quite the opposite from Saba! Skyscrapers, tons of traffic, several lane roads, business, lots of lights, and signs and people! Haha You get the idea.

We were overjoyed that the apartment complex we were staying in had a Christmas tree! Yay! (We used AirBnB). We arrived on Saturday and attended church on Sunday. The only English service near us was actually right next to the temple! So we were able to walk the grounds as a family, see the Nativity (set up at the church building) and share with the kids why the Temple was so important. 

Monday we enjoyed the city a little bit. There was a park just down the street that had a huge playground, and huge nativity characters. We enjoyed our pool and even got some Dunkin Donuts! Yay!

We made an effort to go back to the park nativity one of the evenings, as it was lit up and beautiful! The kids were in awe! This was the 1^st Christmas lights they had seen this season. I’m really glad we got to go, because it ended up being the only Christmas lights we saw this year. [When we got back to Saba, the power was out across the island. And when the power came back on our car wasn’t working… so we couldn’t drive and see lights, and we didn’t have any. ]

During the week Matthew and I would each take turns going to the temple. While one person was gone, the other person had the kiddos at the indoor play place the apartment complex had. Then we connected with a ward member we had met on Sunday and she offered to have her girls babysit for us! Matthew and I were able to go to the temple a couple times together!

Another day we made it an effort to visit Monkey Island!! I took so many pictures, only to find out that my phone had maxed out on pictures and didn’t save the last bunch I took. But we had monkey’s eating out of our hands! Even Sadie fed the monkeys!

 (We rode on the actual panama canal, and saw some large cargo ships come through!)

Sadie thought the fruit pieces were for her. Just as well. She thinks she is part monkey. 

It was so much fun, being together, as a family, attending the temple after so so long, exploring new places, and letting down our hair after a full semester of hard work.