Homesick

So, I wanted to put this in a separate post from my last one, because today is a new day! I am also doing much better. But I also wanted to show some honesty and not have things all unicorn and rainbows on my posts. This is after all a record for myself as well.  

The first Sunday was hard. We didn't really know anyone, our records hadn't changed over yet, so we didn't have any contact info for people on the branch, and we hadn't been able to get ahold of the other member and her children who are on this island. We also didn't know if there were other member students or faculty yet either. School hadn't started and so it was just us. We didn't have permission/authority yet to do the Sacrament, so we did our best to have a family church time. We had hymns, prayers, testimony sharing, a primary lesson for the kids and then a discussion ourselves with the Sunday school lesson when the kids were in bed. 

 We had full expectations that we would find other students, and members, and that our records would come in and we would be able to meet and have the Sacrament this Sunday (Mother's Day). 

But Sunday came, and still no word of member students (we had posted on the student page). And anyone on the island that is a member isn't interested in meeting at this time. Our records still weren't in, so we still had no way of contacting anyone, and no authorization for the Sacrament. It was also Mother’s Day, with no special program, no special treat, no close friends or family. And the only people I knew was the 2 neighbors I met downstairs.  

The alone-ness hit.

 I'm surprised I wasn't a blubbering mess all day. I wanted to be! 

Then the pity-party came. No flowers or chocolates. No breakfast in bed. 

It really wasn't so bad. Matthew cooked up some pancake mix and made a heart one for me. He also took a package of 4 little cookies out of the cupboard that we'd been snacking on the last few days and had the kids give them to me.... they then proceeded to eat them for me. They also scribbled on some paper that said I  <3 U (with an actual heart). So that was cute. Then we met for church. Alone. Again. 

I doubted.

Can I really do this for 2 years? This alone-ness. This sudo-church in our living room. 

I will have you know, that our records came in today! We will still be meeting by ourselves, in our home, but we will be able to have the Sacrament! We also plan to do lots of missionary work.  

I also tearfully and fully expressed what I was feeling Sunday evening with Matthew and we came up with some ideas to get to know more people and have couples or families over for dinner or games Sunday evenings. 

Monday came, and it was a new day, sunny and bright, with a playground to explore again, and people to meet. 

I do miss home. I do miss what we had. I am sad to leave what and who we loved behind. But I am also very grateful to be here. I know there this is where we are supposed to be. I know that with a surety! Every single day there are things to be grateful for, and reasons to be happy. I really do love it here. 

And it's okay to love both. It's okay to be sad about both. It's okay to be homesick, while loving where you are. It's okay to FEEL both at the same time.